Well this email made me chuckle. So go ahead and remember it’s just an article. From Haiybo. Enjoy.
The ANC has slammed “racist and colonialist” weather for trying to turn the Eastern Cape white this week. “It is not surprising that much of the Western Cape is white, seeing that it is the kingdom of the Ice Queen Zille,” said a spokesman, “but for these bloody snowflakes to come and bring their white tendencies to the Eastern Cape, man, that’s cold.”
According to party spokesman, Voicebox Vilakazi, the whiteness was up to one meter deep in many ANC strongholds.
“Historically, this whiteness does not belong here,” explained Vilakazi. “It is traditionally part of Europe, and we reject it bringing these freezing tendencies into our province.”
He said there was also evidence that Helen Zille’s administration in the Western Cape was exporting the whiteness as part of its “hellish programme to cut off roads and freeze service delivery” in the Eastern Cape.
“Using a sophisticated surveillance technique we call ‘Watching The Weather Report At The End Of The News’, we have noticed that all these so-called cold fronts start over Cape Town,” said Vilakazi. “We don’t know how Zille is making this so-called snow, but we suspect some sort of machine that sucks ubuntu out of the atmosphere and freezes it in a giant fridge of colonialism.”
However, trade union Solidarity defended the snow this morning, saying that although it had been formed in a weather system beyond South Africa’s borders, it now had a right to settle anywhere it chose within the Republic.
“Of all forms of precipitation, snowflakes are the tiniest minority in South Africa,” said Solidarity’s Piepie Poggenpoel. “As such, their rights need to be protected.”
But the ANC hit back, saying that plans were already being developed to destroy the snow wherever it lay. “Intensive research by our Science Brigade has revealed that snow is extremely vulnerable to hot air,” explained Vilakazi. “Like all reactionary imperialists, it crumbles and then runs away once subjected to the hotness of our revolutionary zeal.
“Which is why the ANC’s senior leadership has been mobilized, and will be deployed to deliver election promises at the snow. Given the amount of hot air they can produce in a few hours, the snow is doomed.”